Arguments Happen

Does anger and arguments determine if your relationship is healthy or destructive? Often times when couples argue an insecurity forms due to the stigma of arguing meaning dysfunction, we view a couple arguing, in a negative way. What we fail to realize is that arguments in relationships are common and does not qualify as dysfunction, anger and arguments in any relationship is bound to happen. The key is realizing that arguments do not have to mean destruction, or the end of a relationship, instead find a way to manage the argument effectively; meaning acknowledge the problem and then find a solution to it. Now will it be simple to resolve, of course not, especially when your emotions are raging and your feelings of anger and aggression are at its peak. Therefore some techniques that will help you to be able to effectively address the issue, instead of walking away and never resolving the issue would be:

1.) Walk away to and calm down, take a break or a time out, in order to process your thoughts and put yourself in a more relaxed state to talk.

2.) Focus on the problem, do not jump from one situation to the next, for example if you are angry about your girl/boyfriend being late, do not begin to argue about exactly what time it was when this happened, or who was also there, etc. focus on the fact that your are upset that he/she was late and what needs to happen next time in order to prevent them from being late again.

3.) Be objective, focus on the facts, not what you assume or your opinion on what happened.

4.) Manage your tone and language that you use, if the person feels attacked they will immediately get defense and shut down versus if you calmly state why you are hurt they will be more open minded and attuned to understanding your feelings.

5.) Reward yourselves to effectively resolving your issues, positive reinforcement is more effective in changing behavior than negative reinforcement.

These are just a few techniques that can improve resolving conflict within your relationship. Again arguments in relationships are normal and will happen, respect each other enough to deal with the issues at hand. Anger is a real and common emotion, but if you allow it to take control it will close the ability to creatively problem solve and thinking clearly.

So back to my question “does arguments and anger play and effective role in relationship? Yes, as long as you know how to approach the argument effectively. Every couple is different and will have to find their own unique way to resolve confrontation when it arises.